Mermaids huh?

Something Jen said to me in the subway last night: "My grandfather is on imdb for....."

Just check it out yourself. Click on the link to the movie he was involved in:

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0854051/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnx0dD0xfGZiPXV8cG49MHxr
dz0xfHE9Y2hhcmxlcyB0aWV0ZWx8ZnQ9MXxteD0yMHxsbT01MDB8Y289MXxodG1sPTF8bm09MQ__;fc=4;ft=21;fm=1

Meat and Meditation

The yoga studio where I practice just had Vynl diner move under it. So when I leave yoga and I'm in my most hippy, stoned state from stretching for an hour and a half I open the door and smell burger.

Me! A Published Author!

I am so excited Gawker posted one of my celebrity sightings. The first time I sent it in they didn't publish it. It was a much better one too.

From Gawker.com:
Billy Joel (10/14) sitting on a bench in front of Nook in MidtownWest talking to a 30 something brunette who seemed to be reveling in the fact that everyone passing was noticing him and wondering who she was. She was very aware of passer bys where he, understandably, seemed very used to it.

No I'M the Boss of Applesauce

One of my favorite blogs to read is called "I'm the Boss of Applesauce" and it's on the improvisation message board. It's written by this mother from Los Angeles, via NYC. Her husband is an actor and they have 2 young children.I look forward to her postings and tell her stories as if she was a good friend, sometimes I forget she isn't. If I ever become a literary agent, I'm calling this woman up.

Today however, I have my own "I am the boss of applesauce" story. Over the weekend I was hanging out with my 4 year old cousin, Robbie. My aunt left the house and we were alone. Robby was eating raspberries in the kitchen when he called me over. In a rushed whisper he asked, "Helen, can I have some cereal please?" It was as if he was waiting for his mother to leave before asking me. I didn't see why not so I said, "yeah of course!" "But Helen... can you put the milk in first?" He asked me as if he expected me to yell at him after. "Of course." "Wait Helen," and he grabbed my arm, "Cereal 2nd, milk first?" "Sure!" I got out the milk, the cereal, the bown and I poured in the milk. Robby climbed up on the counter and looked me straight in the eye, "Now cereal 2nd? I REALLY want to see if it works"

After I poured in the cereal Robby got VERY excited and started shouting- "it worked! it worked!"

Later I recounted the story to his parents and they found it very odd as he had never expressed an interest in doing this and they never made an issue about putting the cereal second.

Clearly Robby is the boss of applesauce.

My Mother the Alien

My mother puts me on edge like no one in the world. We will be talking about something and she'll find a problem in the situation that is just totally absurd and none of the facts point to. This was my convo with her earlier:

Saltaire76: Hiya! How are you? where are you?
Hellnhevin: i'm ok
Hellnhevin: i'm temping, why?
Saltaire76: nothing just wondering
Hellnhevin: oh ok
Hellnhevin: did jeanne tell you about the party
Saltaire76: no
Saltaire76: what time is it
Hellnhevin: i don't know exactly
Saltaire76: and the party might be over - when do you think you are getting here. Hellnhevin: and the party might be over?
Hellnhevin: don't know, depends
Saltaire76: if you get here at 6:30 and the party is at 5 it could be over
Hellnhevin: did i say i was getting there at 6:30 or that the party was at 5?
Saltaire76: forget it
Hellnhevin: i don't get it
Hellnhevin: i don't think the party is going to be over in an hour and a half anywya
Saltaire76: are you going to call little robbie today and fine out the time or are you just coming no matter
Hellnhevin: i'll call them
Hellnhevin: i'm not really nervous about the time thing
Hellnhevin: she didnt' seem too concerned
Saltaire76: cuz today is his real birthday
Hellnhevin: i know
Saltaire76: well gotta go

To me, knowing my mother, this conversation is nuts. It always is. I say something and she finds a problem that could fester up. What if the party starts at 5 and I get there at 6:30? There is no evidence to support ANY of these hypothesis. Maybe knowing the situation makes it more ridiculous. Like the fact that I'm staying at their house that night anyway. The fact that the child is turning 4 and the party is informal and at their house.

My mom is queen of the negativity club. A few weeks ago, after the breakup she told me that I shouldn't have just taken talk about marriage and the future to mean that we'd be getting married but also consiously realized that "he could screw me at any moment." Not screw like sex, screw like screw me over.She said you shoudl always think these things no matter how good things are so that you're not so disappointed when they happen. So, after 5+ years I totally should have been on edge and waiting for the shoe to drop apparently. That would have been a fun time. My mother is not a human being.

Sorry dude... I'm busy

I've taken a new approach to temping. I didn't think anyone had noticed but then a few minutes ago the guy I'm working for said, "Is Nicole (girl who I am filling in for while she's getting married) going to be back tommorow?" and I said "Well, I'm not gonna be here but I don't know ...." he said,"you're not?" and beamed. I laughed and said "yeah? happy about that?" and he smiled and walked into his office.

I'm really not a bad temp. I answer the phones, I take messages, I do what I'm told, but I do it fast (though efficiently) so that I can go back to doing my own shit. My new thing is that I've stopped hiding that. I got shit to do people. You're trying to market a film? Well sorry, I'm trying to find the perfect new winter sweater!

The other day he came over to my computer to look at this quote list I was supposed to be typing up, but had long ago finished, and he found a letter I'd be working on to the DP of a film I had acted in. Minimizing that he found pictures of my headshots, various IMs, real estate listings, pictures of dresses Kendall is thinking of purchasing, a wedding-to-do file of his assistants I'd been glancing at and advice on copywriting that I've been personally researching. I didn't even flinch as he was frantically going through these, I just calmly took the mouse, opened up the file and printed it out. He didn't quite seem to know how to react, (as I had really done nothing wrong) he just said "just make sure you keep Outlook open." He hasn't really bothered me since, but seems to like me enough.

Back to buisness.