16 layers

This is what I heard tongiht at the Upright Citizen's Brigade Theatre party. It was kinda ghetto but then there was this girl in tight green boy shorts and a fancy schmancy belt and a tight white tank top..... oh and shiny high white heels. She was talking to a guy who had, earlier in the night told me that he was THE producer for 'The Daily Show.' I said "so you're the ONLY producer, huh?" and he said 'I'm THE producer." I was like, "you should watch who you try to bed by lying to them." I didn't say that... but I basically SAID that. You know.

So anyway.. their conversation:

Guy: Are you a Kabbalist?
Girl:(defensively) What?
Guy; I see a little red string on your hand.. are you like a Kabbalist or something?
Girl: I am a student of the Kabbalah.. yes.
Guy: So like... what's up with that, why are you doing that stuff?
Girl: Well what's the problem? There's nothing wrong with Kabbahlah, other religions are like misogionist and oppressive and stuff...***
Guy: Yeah? I don't know.. its like.. you're a pretty girl wearing a string so like... what's the deal? You wanna be like wearing a red string for real?

(At this point he's like 2 inches from her face and she has her arm on his shoulder, vixen-like. A guy comes by and says, "yo dude, she's got a man." And it's funny to me b/c I've seen this guy point out to other guys that this girls' "got a man" and that the 'man' is, in fact, here at other times, during this party.)

Girl: You are like..... totally into like.. just like stuff...
Guy: Oh yeah....
Girl: Like asthetically pleasing stuff. Like I have 16 layers you don't even know about.
Guy: So for Kabbalah?
Girl: Like... a million and one girls are beautiful and like.. a million girls are beautiful and stupid. I do NOT wanna be one of those girls.
Guys: right.. right...
Girl: I am athetically pleasing.. but like I have 16 layers... you are NOT SEEING my 16 layers****

And then I had to edit that scene.


***I swear to God this is what was said

Bloody Compliments

I should start appreciating the guys who stare at me and make lewd comments during the summer. Today I was wearing a skirt and walking around and one worker in a food store that I was in looked me up and down and then walked away like he was not impressed- Well FUCK YOU 'ASSOCIATED' WORKER.

It IS creepy when guys stare at you and say like "Hey mamasita" and then leer... or like "Check out the ass on that little white girl- it's the biggest ass I've ever seen on a little white girl- HEY BABY NICE ASS" (that one was said while I was walking down the block hand in hand with my boyfriend). The guys at supermarkets are generally pretty bad too. The other day I was at the Meat Market on 9th Ave and I was in the meat freezer. It's like 10 degrees and there's animal blood all over the cement floor. This is how the conversation went:

Butcher's Assistant: May I help you
Me: Yeah.. I was actually looking for ground venison- do you guys have that?
BA: (Very slowly as if he was describing what he was going to do to me) We have ..... ground turkey.... or ground chicken.... over there we got ground beef...but no... no ground venison. sweetheart...want something else?
Me: Uh... no.. I'm good, I really just wanted ground venison
BA: That's too bad we don't have that then.

(He stand there watching me look through the flank steaks)

BA: go bo oooh (mumbles)
Me: (politely) Excuse me
BA: God bless you baby, you got a fine body
Me:uhh...(quickly fumbling to grab a steak)
BA: (getting closer) Hey you got a husband...
Me: (loudly) YEAH YEAH I HAVE HUSBAND, THANKS FOR ALL YOUR HELP (And I run....)

Nothing sexier than picking up a girl in a meat lock with blood on the floor. What a story we'd tell our children.

Now all these examples are creepy and I'll spare you the really creepy story that will leave you serioulsy considering never wearing a skirt above your knees again. But I had to get a young man arrested once for being creepy in the summer to me.

HOWEVER I was really hurt today by the guy in Associated that decided that leering at my body wasn't worth his time. I realize that generally guys will leer at anything in a skirt so I don't feel complimented when leered at, but that's what made this experience even worse. I wasn't even worth it.

So....AGAIN- BIG FU TO THAT ASSOCIATED WORKER. You ruined my body image. So in this extreme heat I went to yoga and I think I have heat stroke now and it's all your fault!

Watch out below

Anyone who knows me and watched the news today knows that today was NOT a good day for me. I woke up to find out that on 100th and Broadway (just 5 blocks from where I used to house sit back in the day) a construction site had collapsed. COLLAPSED! WTF?

There are construction sites all over Manhattan and I never walk under them. If I'm with someone who I feel embarrased about sharing this fear with... I still try to maneuver around the site. This makes me unable to converse and jittery and they probably end up thinking I'm crazy anyway. There are construction sites every other block, so it can get kind of tricky, but I've surveyed them all and there are certain ones that I don't freak out as much around.

So....It was a summer evening 5 years ago and I was leaving my internship and had just met my boyfriend to hang out post work. Walking down 57th Street between Broadway and 7th a board fell from across the street, over my head and fell right behind me grazing my ponytail! The ground literally shook. I didnt' realize what had happened and thought that Manhattan had had a brief earthquake, I did.. I was like "woh weird!" and my boyfriend said "do you.... realize what just happened" and he told me to turn around and there it was- an 8 X 5 foot, 2 inche thick, (1 inch of wood, one of metal) board! And then I looked up and realized the fast moving rush hour foot traffic had stopped and everyone was staring at me, on their cell phones with their mouths open.

What I later found out was that on the roof of the building that the board had come from there was some construction going on and the wind had picked it up.It was truly the scariest thing that has ever happened to me. Thinking about it freaks me out now.

So you can imagine that I was twitching even more today around construction sites. And I had to cut through Times Square today and that kind of freaked me out. Then a few people I know were at this theatre and someone jumped from the building across the way and died.. When Jen told me I felt ill and sad, but mostly I was just thinking- what if you were walking down the street and a person fell on you? I don't know how long this imagine is going to freak me out.