I Know I'm Gonna Like It Here!

It's been sort of a dream for me to be recognized by doormen. A few months ago it became a dream come true! I'd walk by the security guards in my office building and they would all greet me, "Hello Miss Green!" "Good Morning Miss. Green!" "Have a lovely day Miss. Green!" I felt like Annie in the movie when she first shows up at the Warbucks household ("No need to pick up any toys! That's OK, I haven't got any anyway!! ). Out of the hundreds upon hundreds of people in this building I felt somehow chosen. Being recognized by a doorman makes you feel like you belong some place. (Does this sound like I need to be on a couch? I need acceptance people!!)

Months later though, things changed. I have always received preferential treatment from these security guards, I'm not complaining. But now days they see me as their homegirl and don't take my Ralph Lauren pumps, Vera Wang glasses and any other attempts at non-plebian like fashion, seriously! I didn't want homegirl acceptance, I wanted "Hello Miss. Green" acceptance!!!! And what I was suddenly getting was home girl acceptance.

They started to greet me: "Sup Hel?"

I stopped in my tracks the first time, "Shit. They know- that I am one of the people. A plebian."

When I forget my pass (which I do a decent amount) they let me straight through- I used to just pout my lips and tip my head, remove an ipod plug from my ear and whine, "You're gonna kill me," like a popular high school sophomore would apologize to her chubby male teacher for leaving her "totally perfectly completed Spanish homework in my foyer!" in front of her class, extracting any ounce of insecurity that still remains from the teacher's unpopular high school years and once again finding himself bowing down to the popular girl.

"Helen," they say in a reprimanding voice, "Ok.." With a wink!

Except LAST time, a middle aged woman saw it happen and screamed "YOU NEVER DO THAT FOR ME, NEXT TIME THIS HAPPENS I AM BRINGING THIS INCIDENT UP!" Woh. That's when I realized- I am really treated differently! Why? BECAUSE they believe that I am one of the people!

You may be doubting that that's the reason. I'll say it, I too thought I got the preferential treatment because of my large smile, small frame and ability to pout and extract high school insecurity from them, but then, I remembered a conversation that occurred during the transit strike:

Security Guard #1: How'd you get in?
Me: walked.
SG 1: From home? Rough. I would have given you a ride.
Me: Huh? It's cold, but it's really not that bad
SG 1: What time did you have to leave to walk
Me: 45 minutes ago
SG 2: from ROCKAWAY??
Me: Huh? I live on the Upper West Side.
SG: But your license said.... (my license... which they saw maybe twice in November)...
Me: Oh no, I haven't changed that from when I grew up...
SG 2: Ohhhh we were gonna say!

I've realized that I never dispelled their idea that I come from Rockaway, (near where they come from) and on occasion when something about Rockaway or the area of Brooklyn near it comes up, I just go along with it as I spent a large majority of a few years in that area and am able to converse about it. The Belt, Reese Park, Breezy, Kings Plaza-- bring it on, I know all the terms and conditions. I can hang with the blue collared people. And even if I am not exactly one of them, I am actress adept in improv and that comes in handy. If this is the reason for acceptance I must hold on!

They've given me that daily ounce of acceptance that I needed for awhile, but it's really waning. It doesn't do for me what it used to, especially since it's just homegirl acceptance.

There is a doorman in a building that I have been going to lately and I have high hopes. I only have less than a month more of frequenting this particular building, which is not even enough time for homegirl acceptance BUT just enough time to feel like Annie for a few days-- and just in time for my birthday! This is the ideal situation!

I thought I saw a glimmer of recognition in his eye last night, but then nothing. And I had to TELL him where I was going. What do I expect? These things don't happen over night.