Just Breathe

Oh. my. god. No. Oh My God. I can't believe this. Ohmgod. Seriously? But it was going so well! I really appreciated that you were always there.

I know at the beginning when I came to you, you weren't present.. and so eventually I stopped trying- when I came to terms with the fact that no matter how persistent I was you weren't just going to suddenly appear.

But then.. one day, not in a fit of panic, but more out of curiosity, I went to you again.. and you were there! And so I started coming more and more often. First with extreme appreciation for every moment we spent together and then in a bit of a "take for granted" way. But I totally never took you for granted! I loved that you were there! You gave me great joy and were extremely useful and stopped me from turning elsewhere every day. But it was all such a tease!

I didn't expect it when I woke up today. Last night I didn't even go to you because I figured we had today. I figured I'd give you the night to yourself. And then I got dressed this morning. Put on my favorite fitted collared shirt. The baby blue one with the little purple pears on it. And I walked in and typed www.gmail.com and .... You totally blocked me you asshole!

UGH-- GMAIL! No more GMAIL at work! OMG! How am I going to get used to this?

I NEVER sent "confidential information" via you. I never did that! Do you think I did? Cuz I didn't! I knew that was wrong. And yet they're stopping us from being together. And you're not doing anything about it! AND I'M SUCH A GOOD EMAILER! SUCH GOOD EMAILS! And that gmail chat feature that you had.. ugh.. I loved it..it led me to be able to schedule coffee sessions with Sarah down the block, and to talk if we were worried or sad or excited. I loved that about you- You loved my friends! You were good to them too! And now it was just ripped away from me.

I'm still reeling. I've had several cups of coffee, which hasn't helped the situation. WHAT AM I THINKING!? YESTERDAY AT THIS TIME I WOULD HAVE NEVER IMAGINED THIS! I was looking forward to my emails today. And I had some business to attend to. All that- ruined!

I know in my heart that I don't deserve this... and someday I'm going to be able to log into a service while at work and it will be even better....maybe... maybe I'll never find a service, but I think I will... and I'm going to realize that you, gmail... you were not what you were cracked up to be.