Father's Day

Sunday, of course, was Father's Day. So, I figured, what better opportunity to annoy the hell out of my mom, thus entertaining my dad! After all I let her get away with murder on Mother's Day!

(Entertainment: A WAY better gift than the tie I got him with monkeys on it.)

Now my mom is THE BEST! (On Sunday alone she randomly brought me the makings for Strawberry Shortcake and then she told me I needed more jewelry and that she would like to provide it!) BUT if you want to get a rise out of someone, my mom is the woman to go to! She is THE BEST at that too! In fact, I bet I'm accomplishing that same task as we speak! So, I decided the way I would do it at brunch was to discuss my cousin's upcoming wedding that we are all attending.

(Note:I am actually looking forward to the wedding because it's gonna be super-different from the weddings I normally attend, and also, the family that is holding it is very entertaining and fun loving.)

Questions, statements and responses regarding the wedding that get a rise out of my mother:

1. Are you going to get drunk on white wine and start laughing for no reason?
2. Are people going to find out I live in Manhattan and start asking me questions based on the fact that they think that I live the life of Carrie Bradshaw?
3. Based on #2 are they going to ask me about going to BED and Pastis? I'm not answering those questions, Mom, I. am. not! That would be SO cheesy!
4. Also, simply based on #2, not on my actions, or appearance, do you think people are going to refer to me as "that slutty cousin from NY"?
5. During the vows can I put my acting skills to good use and start crying and making a scene and shouting, "This should have been me?"
6. Can I buy one of those fake $9 engagement rings and pretend I'm engaged to someone infamous? Like Joey Buttafuco?
7. Last time we were there they were comparing whose truck could better drive up a dirt pile- so- I guess what I'm asking is- Is this wedding going to be a ho down?
8. Can I get my brother drunk and dare him to do things that will embarrass us all?
9. When people annoyingly ask me if they've, "seen anything I've been in?" can I say that I have a movie coming out with Diane Keaton? No? An article coming out in Teen Vogue? A book deal? A Clearasil commercial? Ugh, fine.
10. When people find out I'm almost 26 and still single, can I suggest that maybe it's because I'm a lesbian?
11. I am wearing a classy black dress, but if I style it properly I can make it look Goth- Can I look Goth for the wedding Mom?
12. This is taking place in a small town in Connecticut, can I continually ask "Where the hell are Luke and Lorelai today?"
13. Can I act like I'm too good for everyone and comment that "we would never do it this way where I come from!" ?
14. Are they seriously going to play the entire "Paradise by the Dashboard Light?"
15. Can I put on a Southern accent?
16. Can I make out with all the cute groomsman, perpetuating #2?
17. Can I chain smoke?
18. Mom, this is gonna be open bar, right?