Sausage Fest Two Thousand and.....?

Friday night found Ex-IB and I at a sausage factory. A SAUSAGE FACTORY. A place that produces sausages for us to EAT.

It would only be a matter of time before I brought it up....the thing that I always bring up:
My dreams of sausage making!
That is my sausage making, ravioli folding, ice cream freezing, fruit juicing, herb mincing, meat grinding, dough kneading dreams! The KitchenAid Mixer dream!

So there we were over candlelight, sausage, beer, some really good polenta-y, potatoey thing and other German confections as I discussed just those wonders. He'd heard it before.

Then HE said it and perhaps I should have just reacted with a contemplative, "huh," as if I was pondering what he was saying, but never had before. As if I am defintiely NOT one of those girls who thinks about things like weddings and babies.. nevermind nonesensical things like wedding preparation! But I TOTALLY BLEW MY COVER! My city for life, Boo to the suburbs, Hillary Clinton loving, "My Love Don't Cost a Thing,' throw my hat up in the air sort of cover. And it doesn't mean that image isn't true- it is! BUT- I AM MANY THINGS PEOPLE! So when he said:

Ex-IB: You are going to have the best time when you registering for gifts....

how could I NOT explode:

Me: OH MY GOD! I've been looking forward to that day for as long as I can remember! Sometimes I go into stores and wander around and just imagine what I would register for. And sometimes, when I'm bored at work I go on to people's registry's who I know and I mentally edit them to suit myself. The other day someone I know was telling me they registered online and I was like 'You registered online?!?!?! That is like the best day I could imagine and you ruined it by registering online? Are you retarded?!?!" And also this same person registered for the KitchenAid Mixer but they DIDN'T REGISTER FOR THE SAUSAGE MAKER! I mean wouldn't YOU be happy if you came home and you could just make sausage! I mean I know you would be! I would be! They TOTALLY would be! F them. I'm just gonna GET them the damn sausage maker.

Ex-IB: (Doesn't seem the least bit daunted. Perhaps knows me well enough to have known what energy this conversation would elicit in me due to my obsession with all things kitcheny.) Do you know where you would.....

Me: WILLIAM SONOMA AND CRATE AND BARREL!

I told him about the random gadgets and wonderful mechanisms of William Sonoma, I told him about the wonders of glass wear at Crate and Barrel (which he already KNEW about, which reinforced why I keep him around) and I told him how, although I'm in love with the KitchenAid I would never have to register for it,

Me: My mom says that if I get engaged she will just get me one. I think she meant it as an incentive.

There's something in me that says I should take my mom up on this offer. I will NOT get a KitchenAid Mixer for myself, nor will I accept one as a gift but I will also not replace my newly broken Ice Cream Maker. My mom and I were over brunch yesterday when I brought up the Ice Cream maker's recent demise:

Mom: You want a new Ice Cream Maker for Christmas?
Me: Nah... I just feel like I don't need to make ice cream all that often and I feel that one should not have that many Ice Cream Makers in one's lifetime so I feel like my next Ice Cream Maker...
Mom: Should be the Kitchen Aid Mixer
Me: Yeah... eventually...

Everyone knows about me and the KitchenAid Mixer. However, it is one thing for me to share this obsession with my mom, my friends and Ex-IB, but my obsession over the mechanism goes further. Too far perhaps. I was walking down 5th Avenue a few months ago when I heard the guy behind me yelling, "Hey you!"

I ignored him.

"Hey! Girl in the tan skirt"

Me? I glance back. Didn't recognize him. Nope.

"Maggie's friend!"

Wearing a tan skirt. Friend named Maggie.... does he mean me? I turn .

Him: Hey! It is you!"

Me: Uh..... I don't know....

Him: No, I'm pretty sure it is. I met you at Maggie's party.

Silence. I looked at him quizzically. Perhaps I had thrown back a few at Maggie's party....

He went on to prove it, "You REALLY want a Kitchen Aid Mixer!"

So we had met.

Whoever turns out to be my fiance is going to have to be sedated come registration day or IDEALLY just be really into it as well.

As a gift to him, I'm going to lay off the caffeine that day.

As a gift to you, I will leave you with this. (VIDEO)