Starting to Use

Growing up I was heavily warned and brainwashed against vending machines. My mother really expressed such disgust for those who used vending machines that I always had the impression that vending machines were part of some elaborate money making scheme for assholes who were too stupid to realize. These were probably, I thought, the same assholes who went to the ice cream man, who's scheme was also money making but also to rot young children's teeth. That's why my cousin Brandon had cavities- his grandmother on the other side of the family once bought him a popsicle shaped as a man's face from the ice cream man.

I remember in high school after lunch, or at musical rehersal after school, being hungry, but going to the vending machine was never even an option- I wouldn't do it. I dont' know if anyone ever suggested it, but I'm sure I would have made some excuse. So if I was hungry I would call my mom and she woudl bring me more food. From home. And this was way better than spending 80 cents on a bag of pretzels to her, and thus, to me. Let me say now that my mom didn't convince me of much in my young life, but this, she got me with.

Bring your daughter to work day however, offered me a startling revelation. My dad used vending machines. Yeah- I know. You think you know someone. He didn't even hide if from me. When he accidently said "fuck" at work, he tried to sluff over if, but the vending machine- he just did it in front of me. First a cup of coffee from one and then some pretzels from the other. "If mommy only knew," I thought, "we have pretzels at home, you could have JUST BROUGHT THEM FROM HOME. There's a Dunkin Donuts down the street DAD- I'm SURE you're bosses woudl be cool with you taking a 15 min break, you didn't need to resort to the vending machines!"

But he did. And as I had a minor nervous break down in front of the machines I wondered, what would I do when my mom asked me about the day. I would be able to keep the f-word incident under wraps, but this.....I just didn't know. But I had to. It would break her heart. He was one of them. One of those dumb vending machine using assholes. This was probably why my mom had to clip coupons- my dad was squanding $1.45 a day on coffee and pretzels.

My fears of vending machines have since died down, although I must say I do feel pangs of guilt when using them.

I have been lately though.

Using them.

At work. I made a comment the other day in front of my mom at the store that some cookies that she was buying me I'd "keep at my desk, in case I got hungry and wanted a snack." She'd never know that last week I bought Famous Amos mini chocolate chip cookies for 80 cents from the vending machine. I was covering it up by showing her that I was preparing for hunger pangs in the future. She'd never suspect about the past.

Funny thing though, after I bought those cookies my change came back after I put a dollar in. Fifty cents! I guess there must have already been some change in the coin holder.

This morning I did it again.

Used.

When I walked up to it I felt guilty- especially because I wanted peanut M & M's and they were 2.00 in the machine. Which is WAY over priced. I stared to think my mom was right, but I did it anyway, settling on Oatmeal Raisin cookies. 80 cents. I put in exact change.

And 35 cents came back! WHAT!?!?

Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Cuz I'm thinking my mom and I have been the fools for all these years and I don't understand why my dad didnt' let us in on it.