Wait... One Second

I realized that sometimes I am misleading regarding time. Someone asked me how old I was and I said that I had JUST turned a certain age, "When?" they asked. "July." I answered.

I will use terms like "the other day" and I will mean 6 weeks ago. I will say 5 minutes and I will mean an hour. I use the number 18 a lot. "like 18 minutes ago," or "that was like 18 years ago." I dont' know the reasons why.

The other night I told my friend, "I will be RIGHT over." But THIS is what I actually meant by "RIGHT over":

"I will be right over, I first, am going to stop at Starbucks and grab a latte, at which point I will realize that I am across the street from Penn Station and Penn Station houses my bank. I will stop in Penn Station and not only get cash out, but deposit my check which I am carrying. I will realize in Penn Station that I am not near the right train and I will exit. On the corner of 7th and 34th I will think to myself that, 'it is VERY cold' and I should 'NOT have stayed in flip flops.'

I will decide that it will be best if I cut through H & M to warm up my feet for a few minutes. While "cutting through" I will see a cute skirt and consider buying it. However it is a defective skirt and has a little hole in the back. This is the only one they have in my size and it is not ever reduced for having a hole, it is just noted on the tag. This will frustrate me. I have no other option than to storm out of H & M and ponder their audacity. Upon leaving H&M I will continue to make my way to the subway only to notice that Old Navy is still open. I will think to myself, "I NEVER shop there, I should take a gander." And I will. I will walk through OLD NAVY and maybe, (I'm just saying maybe), try on a bikini. I will not buy anything at Old Navy because:
#1 I realize the purchases I want to make there are dumb AND
#2 I have decided that Old Navy promotes obesity by having sizes like XXS that are actually not even small enough to be a normal size small.

I will make my way into the subway. Upon exiting the subway at my destination I will head east towards the location I am making it "right over" to. BUT on the way, I will realize that Trader Joe's is about to close and that that is the BEST time to shop at TJ's and that I should NOT miss such an opportunity as I am not normally in this neighborhood when TJs is about to close. I will try to enter TJ's only to be met by the security guard, who has decided that the night ends right before me. I will stomp my metaphorical foot in frustration and walk off, knowing that I could not have actually 'shopped' at TJ's because we are going out and that would be awkward to carry a grocery store bag into a bar BUT also knowing that TJs has THE best samples and I have missed out, possibly, on a bite of their marvelous spinach dip.

I will continue to be "right over," and I will stop myself and not go to Dunkin Donuts for another coffee. I consider stopping in Associated to see how people who live in the East Village slum it as far as grocery shopping goes. BUT I'm not RUDE, I'm two blocks away from the apartment and I'm not to do anything CRAZY like scouting grocery stores while you're all drinking and gathering.

This is when I will be 'right over.' "