SOMEONE told me today that Satan's gonna get me...

I spent the early morning with a certifiable mental case. I had to go to Community Mediation with the lady who lives below us. She has harrassed us the past year and a half like crazy, she told the police that I run a prosititution ring, that I have cameras in her apartment, and lots more ridiculousness....
Unfortunatly, due to a confidentiality agreement we signed, I can't share the details of the craziness that what went down. Here are some of the things though, that I didnt' say:

#1 Thank You! I've never been called a smart ass before!

#2 Coke? That shit seriously fucks up your dopamine levels!

#3 Coke? Are you sure you don't mean crack?

#4 I have a pretty hot bod so I don't think that my boyfriend would need to see you shower!

#5 Matt's friends chased you with a baseball bat? Are you sure? I don't know if they'd have one of those.... Maybe a copy of Checkov's Three Sisters... Or a Dramatist Source Book perhaps?

#6- So what exactly made you think I was a prostitute.. and based on your street knowledge, exactly what kind of prostitue would I be... you know... monetarily?

The mediators told us they wouldn't report threats unless it's violence toward a child, I questioned this, "but it's cool if it's towards us..." and he's like "yes. exactly. I couldn't even tell anyone about it. It's confidential"

I was a peer mediator in high school for students who were much bigger than me. I was no good at it. When I talked to the separate parties in private I'd be like "Sorry he's beating you up, but he's a total asshole and you'll definitely get him back when you're a wimpy but wealthy tax attorney and he still works at the DairyMart."